Problem: I like Fritos.
Some background: my mom has both hyperthyroidism and fibromyalgia. Two conditions that are, conveniently enough, inheritable. Which means that if you consider the symptoms and causes, I’m predisposed to having one or both at some point in the future.
I’ve never gotten my thyroid checked, mostly as a function of not really wanting to know the answer. Also, I have this inexplicable fear of doctors’ forms. What if they ask me a question that I don’t know the answer to? What then? I’ll tell you what happens then, I’ll fail at filling out the forms and the insurance people will place harassing calls and ohmyword the idea of that just makes my palms sweat. And yes, I know this is ridiculous and irresponsible. My dentist will have a field day with my mouth the second I get up the nerve to go with an entire pay check in-hand, but I just don’t want to.
What I would like is for my mom to go with me, and fill out the forms on my behalf. I’ll even answer the questions that she can’t! Mom can ask, “what year were you born again?” and I will respond with the confidence of someone who knows the answer “1984!! I was born in 1984!” But this is key: she needs to fill out the little boxes of information. The idea of doing it by myself makes my brain explode.
I am slowly working up the nerve to go it alone. Still, I suspect that it’ll take fortifications in the form of gin and a tranquilizer better suited to taking down a small elephant. In addition to contemplating my need to get a checkup and where I might procure the necessary tranquilizers, I am also contemplating how I can avoid provoking my body. Mostly I’m trying to figure out if there is a way for me to rethink the foods I eat and the way I live my life, so that I can preemptively minimize the chances of my body throwing in the towel later. This is where The Raw Food Detox Diet comes in. I’ve scanned the book and most of what I read seemed perfectly reasonable. Namely that there are things your body handles well, and there are things your body doesn’t. By eliminating the things that your body can’t process, you’ll feel better and your body will thank you. However, it’s not without some signifcant roadblocks:
- If it mooed at one point, I probably like it.
Cheese, steak, milk, etc. I am a soopa-fan. In fact, when I can’t be bothered to cook (most nights) I’ll grab a hunk of cheese and a wedge of whole grain bread and nosh on that instead. She doesn’t propose a vegan diet, or even really a vegetarian one, but she does put the kibosh on diary [insert sad face here]. - She’s a proponent of monthly colonics and/or enemas.
No. Just no. - I live in New York, the land of falafel, canolis and street meat. Enough said.
My question is this: has anyone tried this diet or something similar? Any insights to share? Did you feel 1,000,000 times better? I don’t even want to hear it if you only felt 1,000 times better. If I’m eating nothing but veggies and non-processed foods, I had better be walking on sunshine and rainbows. In addition to the obvious health benefits, babies should coo at the sight of me and men should fall at my feet… I think it’s safe to say that my expectations are pretty realistic.
